give a little, get alot...

This morning I read some scriptures about tithing.  I've always paid my tithing and luckily never had a hard time with it.  No ill feelings about giving 10% away, even if times were tough.  I feel blessed to have had that taught to me early on so that I could immediately start receiving blessings!  We've had some miraculous blessing concerning money and other things that we've thought maybe attributed to paying tithing.  I wanted to record a few here so we can always remember:

When we first got married and moved to NYC we were moving all by ourselves.  Every single place we went we found a parking spot right in front of our building where we could load and/or unload.  That NEVER happens, especially not in the space of 1 or 2 days.  And we had to move out of 2-3 place into our new apartment!

When we did move into our new apartment, we found a $50 on the ground!  So blessed!

We've never been the "starving newly weds".  Ever.  Sure I complain about not being able to shop like I used to (when I was single) but we've been blessed to always have employment, and not just employment, but GREAT employment.  We were able to kick our marriage off fully supporting ourselves! (except for that pesky cell phone bill huh dad?  You can just hold on to that one ey?).

I remember working (putting Jord through school, before he worked) and doing the finances. I was always able to happily write my check for tithing.  Then a clear thought from the spirit hit me.
"you must pay your taxes with the same promptness and importance as your tithing!"  It hit me in the middle of the work day just sitting at my desk. I took it to heart and ever since then (we've always been self employed) we immediately pay our tithing and put our tax money into savings with the same promptness!  Oh how I'm grateful I recieved that inspiration early on as well.  Those taxes can really add up and I don't know what we would have done when it came time to pay and we were short.  I have a testimony of obeying the laws of the land (even though they are dumb!) and being blessed.  Our minds and souls have been at ease knowing all of our bases were covered.

Jordan was blessed to find APX (now Vivint.) to work for.  He was able to work only through the summer and support us all year.  Which made it possible for him to not work during school, and for me to quit my job and have some kids!

We've been so blessed in many ways.  I know that by paying our tithing we have been blessed more than we know.  It's kind of like insurance... it's just a layer of promised blessings as we constantly obey that awesome law!

I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ
~amen

PP Faith #7

Faith in the Atonement

I've just read several passages of scripture pertaining to the atonement of Jesus Christ.  The atonement is such a BIG thing in the gospel, and yet it's so tricky.  I remember growing up in Young Women's and having a very strong testimony of being obedient to things like... word of wisdom, swearing, dating, chastity, etc.  Things that you could DO or not DO... it was easy to see the result and feel accomplished.  I also remember knowing that within myself I didn't understand this who Christ's atonement thing... and yet we hear it is THE most important thing, the 'corner stone' of our church.  I knew that one day I'd really have to figure this out.  But for the moment I'd just hold fast to the more black and white commandments of the gospel.

I remember really GETTING the atonement for the first time while in the singles ward where my Bishop, my now dear friend David Buckner, giving a combined Priesthood and RS lesson about the atonement.  He used the altar as an example and said we could lay ANYTHING upon it- sin, transgression, sickness, pain, weakness, infirmities, helplessness, sadness, depression, anger, ANYTHING. As long as we placed it on the altar, meaning we realize we can't do it ourselves, the Savior will take it from us!  He will just TAKE it from the altar and it will be gone.  This kind of blew my brain!  And I was so excited I was finally beginning to understand the enormity of the atonement and what it covered.

Now, as I prepare for teaching the Young Women the Christmas lesson, I've been pondering WHY Christ even came to earth and why we celebrate him even at his coming, as a baby, to this earth.  Once again, we are brought to the atonement.  It was his mission.

There was no way for us, living on this earth, to get rid of sadness, sin, guilt, sorrow, pain, physical ailment, being a victim, doing something awful, depression, anger, etc.  How are we do deal with these things. But not only these things while we are living on the earth, but DEATH itself.  That would be the end of us.

I found it really awesome in my study of 2 Nephi it says that the spirit knows all things.  BUT the SAVIOR had to come and experience it in the flesh himself so that he would KNOW how to succor us!  I hate that the Savior, a person just like you and I, someone's Son, had to volunteer and had to follow through on this task.  But think of the alternative.  Even if it was just the spirit that was meant to succor us... would we be able to put our full confidence in a being that doesn't have a body, hasn't experienced flesh and earth life.  It's like when you go through a hard trial and someone says, "Oh I'm so sorry,  I know what your going through"  and you think... 'well, that's really nice, and I'm sure they kind of understand what I'm going through, but do they KNOW? have they been through the EXACT same thing? no they haven't. and I'm still all alone.'  Right?  I mean, hopefully we would have more faith if that was the way.  But guess what?  It wasn't the way.  Christ volunteered to literally come to the flesh and literally go through EVERY SINGLE THING we will and everyone else will in their lifetime.  How this was done, we may never know fully, but it was done.  And imagine... what if you did have a best friend who went through the EXACT same thing you did.  You're burdens would seem lighter knowing you were not alone.  But it goes a step further with Christ.  A friend may make you feel better but Christ can TAKE IT AWAY.  He WANTS to because he really KNOWS.

As I was praying this morning, I asked to know of myself for a surety that these things happened.  That Christ was born, he lived his ministry and great example as we know it, and that in REALITY he DID experience all of those things.  It's hard to imagine.  Again, I have faith in it because I live a rather obedient life and I've SEEN and FELT the blessings of living the Gospel of who?  Jesus Christ.  I know that he is real, as is His gospel and the blessings that come from living it.  But I guess I want a real tangible feeling of those most important events, that they happened, and that the purpose is true.

While I didn't receive and angel in my room to assure me, nor a huge overwhelming feeling (as I sometimes LOVE to get) I got a simple thought of something to pray for.  I had the thought to pray for help recognizing the sin in my life on an everyday basis, that I might be humbled, and be called to repentance.  If I feel the need to truly repent, then I'll need my Savior's atonement.  I'll admit, I hear the apostles say they repent for a million things a day and that baffles me... because I KNOW they are better than me, and yet I can't think of a single thing to repent for most days.  I'm obviously too prideful... and I need to repent:)

I'm so grateful for this thought and I know that if I follow it, I'll be given that undoubtable knowledge that I seek that will bring me closer to my Savior.  I'm grateful for Him.  I know that he lives.  I know he came to earth.  I know I feel his presence in my life, and I know His gospel brings countless blessings!  I love him.  I'm so happy we get to celebrate him this Christmas season!

I leave this testimony to all those who read it, to my family, and to my own eyes and ears, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen



PP Faith #5

Halloween Hello...

Today we went to a Halloween Playgroup and I was blessed to talk to a few mom's about parenting, especially a general conference talk from last conference about disciplining your kids.  I know my Savior doesn't want me to be  "reactive" parent... but plan for my responses and discipline of my children.  He was the perfect example of teaching!

remembering...

Well, I wasn't great keeping up with recording how I am striving to remember my Savior each day for two weeks!! I went of vacation and it all went out the door.  Here is to second chances:

Friday Oct 28th:  attended Trunk or Treat and contributed soup!  I really IS important to be involved in church activities!

Saturday Oct 29th:  Prepared YW lesson on 'loving yourself and others.'  I spent several hours on the preparation because it really hit home with me.  I felt so close to the Savior as I learned, again, that to love yourself means to know WHO YOU ARE.  And that is a Child of God!

Sunday Oct 30th:  Conducted family home evening on "the Holy Ghost" just in time for Halloween.  I realized it was the first time I've talked to Olive about the Holy Ghost.  How do you teach a three year old about the holy ghost?  We felt the spirit. She really listened.  It's such a miracle to watch little ones take in new concepts!  I'm so grateful for the Holy Ghost to testify of truth, to guide me to do the right things, and to watch over and protect my family.  He testifies to me that Jesus IS the Christ!

Well... that makes a weeks worth.  Lets see if I can be more consistent this week!  I want to think of his EXAMPLE in the way I conduct myself in my home this week, and then focus on his atonement when I don't conduct myself very well.  This week is keep my temper week!

Taking His Name Upon Me...

Doing some personal progress again here!  The Diving Nature Experience 4 wants us to memorize the sacrament prayer and then do something each day to be "willing to take upon them the name of thy son, and always remember Him.."  I'm so grateful for this challenge.  It reminds me of the reason I started this blog with Elder Eyring's example of recognizing the hand of the Savior in our lives each day.

Here's a few things that have helped me remember my Savior this week, helped me grow, and hopefully take His name upon me:

Sunday:  I was asked to sing in church.  It's been a while and a first in this ward.  I feel like people know I'm from New York, I'm an actor, and in my head, I'm SURE they're expecting me to be spectacular. I started fretting because, well, it's tough to be spectacular.  But I quickly realized my head was in the WRONG place.  There were no expectations but to bare my testimony through song, which was my favorite way to do it.  I felt the spirit as I sang.  Heavenly Father heard my prayers to forget myself and helped me feel the spirit of the song.  It was "Abide With Me" and I felt that he DID abide with me as I sang.  I'm so grateful I was able to feel the spirit and take his name upon me, instead just do a performance.  (there was also a great talk about pride... obviously I needed that too!)


Monday:  I had a wonderful spiritual experience/humbling experience as I was running on monday.  I decided  to share it on blog HERE.

Tuesday:  Olive had her first "dance recital"!  I felt like a real MOM!  I know these are the joys spoken of in The Family: The Proclamation to the Word.  I was so grateful to be a mom when I watched her whirl and twirl!

Wednesday:  I've made a new resolution to, once again, be better and meaningful scripture study!  PP helps!! as usual.  I'm excited to report daily on how I'm striving to remember my Savior every day!  I also memorized the sacrament prayer for the bread!  Can't believe I've never done that before.  It's amazing.

Faith...

I've recently thought of my childhood as I look back on how my mom raised us.  I remember her taking us to dance class with her, and we could sit in the corner or roam around the facility (which was a HUGE 2 level performing arts center... hardly appropriate for a 6 year old to wander!).  Wasn't she worried?  What if I got into trouble.  What if I got trapped somewhere?  What if I decided to go outside (which I did) and someone came and picked me up?  I've asked her WHAT she was thinking!?  She said she brought us everywhere.  She was never AFRAID of what people might think, what fits we might throw, etc.  Whatever happened, she said, she had an innate sense of herself to be able to handle it.  There was no fear, therefore she was never held back, and neither were we for that matter.


Well, this is my very first value project of my Personal Progress as an adult leader.  I'm a beehive advisor and was so excited when I learned that I could do my Personal Progress again.  It came a such an amazing time because I had fallen behind in my habit of scripture study and felt like I was in a rut.  What a perfect way to study!!  I also love the PP book always wants you to record your thoughts in your journal.

After almost 3 weeks of prayer in the morning and night, I've found that I'm not great at morning prayer.  I'm usually woken up by kids, or wake up before kids to exercise and I have a hard time remembering to pray right when I get up.... at 5:30am!  Luckily for my prayer rock, and Olive's obsession with it, she eventually reminds me to say my morning prayers. She loves helping put the stickers on my prayer chart:)   I've missed a few days but I'm grateful to have started the habit.  I really feel additional blessings and a sense of focus on what's important as I start the day.  I have more peace, more patience, and more motivation.  It really is the right way to start my day, and I'm sad I have to train myself to do it. I hope that one day this will become second nature like my evening prayers!

Along with reading the required scriptures and listening to talks on faith, I had been prompted lately to read my patriarchal blessing.  It had been a REALLY long time.  Then someone mentions 'patriarchal blessings' and I think OH YA I need to read mine. Then I forget.  BUT I did finally read it and wanted to record a small thought and bright ray of hope that I had as I read it, as pertaining to the faith that I had been focusing on these past few weeks.

There are about 3 times in my patriarchal blessing that mentions something about being "sorely tried" and having difficult trials in my life.  Whenever I read these things I get a pit in my stomach.  My mind immediately goes to the worst of things:  husband dies, becoming paralyzed or handicapped, losing a child, etc.   I am filled with fear.  Then when I read the subsequent words of ...well hope really.. that if I endure well, or keep the commandments, I will be able to get through those trials, I feel somewhat overwhelmed. How, when  my husband DIES, will I be able to continue on reading my scriptures, going to church?  The blessing says that even others will be uplifted by how I deal with MY trials.  Of course I imagine I am supposed to become a public speaker or something dramatic and talk about the devastation in my life.  But I don't want to do that.  I don't want to be sorely tried.  And cue more fear!

As I listened to a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson from this last General Conference (April 2011) entitled "Facing the Future with Faith"  I realized quite simply what I already know.  Faith is the opposite of fear. Every person absolutely will be tried on this earth.  No one is exempt, not even Christ himself.  But as we increase our faith in the Savior and in the gospel principles, we have no need to face the future with FEAR but only with faith.  I realized how I need to work on my faith.  I need to make sure that my faith is strong.  I have been through trials in my life, and BECAUSE of my faith in the gospel they have felt fairly small, and in the grand scheme of things they are small.  But now I see that they may have also felt minimized because of my faith, and my eternal perspective.  I have no reason to believe that whatever trials I face in the future I cannot get through and should be afraid.

 I felt a sense of peace.  How lovely it is to go through life without fear knowing that whatever life throws at you, you can handle.    What a great lesson to teach your children.  Thanks Mom:)

I hope and pray I'll be able to face my future trials with faith, whatever they may be.  And my prayer WILL be twice a day:)

two year olds...

Today was a hard day. It started with a night of not much sleep. But I've been really struggling parenting my two year old. We seem to fight all day long. We are at a loss as to how to discipline, and yet part of me thinks we are trying to discipline too much. I've been completely impatient and I go to sleep guilty every night. I feel like I need to spend time with her, and yet I feel like I need the house to be clean, the finances to be done, calendar set, and THEN I can sit down in a 'prepared' home and play with her. I know that isn't right, but I admit I just put of "playing" to do other things.

It's been especially bothering me because I can feel the spirit leave our home. And it isn't because of her. It's because of the way I deal with her. I want to feel the spirit in my home. I think she will learn from that spirit in a way that I could never teach her.

I guess I feel the Savior's hand in my life, though I am in the middle of hardship, because I KNOW I can pray. I know the only answers that will be productive will be from my Father in Heaven. I know that my Savior is the only way I can become better, that He will make up my weaknesses, and make them strengths. I feel close to the spirit because I am SEEKING it so readily in my desperation. I feel like a crappy mother. I feel a little out of control. I feel a little silly that I am letting my TWO year old have that much control over me. I feel tired....

But I feel the spirit. I feel the nearness that I know that I need now. I pray that I might be open enough, and humble enough, and patient enough to HEAR and be inspired.