two year olds...

Today was a hard day. It started with a night of not much sleep. But I've been really struggling parenting my two year old. We seem to fight all day long. We are at a loss as to how to discipline, and yet part of me thinks we are trying to discipline too much. I've been completely impatient and I go to sleep guilty every night. I feel like I need to spend time with her, and yet I feel like I need the house to be clean, the finances to be done, calendar set, and THEN I can sit down in a 'prepared' home and play with her. I know that isn't right, but I admit I just put of "playing" to do other things.

It's been especially bothering me because I can feel the spirit leave our home. And it isn't because of her. It's because of the way I deal with her. I want to feel the spirit in my home. I think she will learn from that spirit in a way that I could never teach her.

I guess I feel the Savior's hand in my life, though I am in the middle of hardship, because I KNOW I can pray. I know the only answers that will be productive will be from my Father in Heaven. I know that my Savior is the only way I can become better, that He will make up my weaknesses, and make them strengths. I feel close to the spirit because I am SEEKING it so readily in my desperation. I feel like a crappy mother. I feel a little out of control. I feel a little silly that I am letting my TWO year old have that much control over me. I feel tired....

But I feel the spirit. I feel the nearness that I know that I need now. I pray that I might be open enough, and humble enough, and patient enough to HEAR and be inspired.