Peace Making

PP Divine Nature #6 & #7

Matthew 5:9:  Blessed are the Peacmakers, for they shall be called the children of God.

I'm really grateful for these two experiences in personal progress.  For almost 2 weeks now I've tried to keep my mind and my heart on being a Peacemaker...why is it so hard?? Why am I so... not peacemakery?  I think part of it is selfishness.  I think I long to have my way, to be validated, to be taken care of... so when someone behaves or makes a choice contrary to my need to be appreciated or helped out, I find it hard to let it go, be peace maker, forgive, and ask for what I need.

Maybe it's the nature of being a mother.  I feel like I have to be the boss, which seems contrary to peace making.  But over the past two weeks, while I'm sooo far from even improving an ounce, I think I can fathom that being the boss, the mom, the disciplinarian, can also mean being a peace maker.

Here are some other divine qualities I've found in my scripture study that  I'd LOVE to acquire someday... somehow:

Peacemaking

Love

joy

longsuffering

gentleness

goodness

faith

meekness

temperance

humility

forbearing one another

forgiving one another

charity

peace of God rule in your hearts

wisodm

teaching

gratitude

Integrity Value Project

Value Project:
Having integrity means to keep your commitments.  Identify and keep your commitments to others as you participate as a member of a team or organization or in a leadership osition in your school or community.


I chose my CALLING in Young Women to complete this Value Project.  At first, I thought it was a bit of a cop out.  But then I remembered all the hours, all the prayers, all the meetings, all the wonderful leaders... this is NO cop out!

Having a calling in the church is probably one of the biggest examples of making a commitment and keeping it!  Sometimes I think it can be easier to keep commitments to other organizations, because the church and the members can be so forgiving and understanding.  But keeping commitments to church callings bring far more blessings than keeping commitments to other organizations, though we WILL be blessed for showing integrity no matter.

I haven't been perfect. There are times I forget to pray for the girls.  There are times I selfishly direct a lesson in the way I want it to go, instead of praying for what is best for the girls.  There are times I wanted to watch So You Think You Can Dance instead of going to mutual.  But as I've tried to be consistent, keep the girls in my thoughts and prayers, tried to be an example, and tried not to miss ANYTHING just because I didn't feel like it, I can honestly say I have been so blessed to have this calling.  The girls teach me by their example.  They invigorate me as I remember what it is like to be that age, and how important it is.  They flatter me by letting me into their lives and making me feel hip, even though I'm just an ol' lady now!

Taking a calling in the church requires diligence, integrity, and hard work.  I'm grateful I've been able to spend FAR more than 10 hours on this project and even more to come.  I'm so blessed to be a part of the Young Women's program of the church!!

Rewards of PERSONAL integrity...

As said in my last post, I made a CHORE CHART.  It was pretty hard core!  I've been doing it for 4 weeks now and.... It's making a HUGE difference!!  They are small goals a day.  But when I show INTEGRITY to myself, keep my own commitments, not only do things get done, but I feel a sense of accomplishment and a new LOVE for myself.  I think women have a hard time LOVING themselves (in the good way... not a prideful way) and I'm able to concentrate on my strengths while improving my weaknesses.  But on top of that, I think the biggest difference if feeling the SPIRIT in my home!!  OH how I hate to admit that doing having the laundry done and house clean coordinates with the SPIRIT... but it does!  We have more time as a family and less chaos.  I hope to continue to be true to myself, keep my own commitments, and keep the spirit in my home!

PP: Integrity #2

PERSONAL Integrity...

(Integrity Value Experience #2)

How can I improve my personal integrity?

I think that a lot of times I have more integrity when it comes to others than myself.  If I sign up for something, or say I will do something, then it will get done.  I really don't lie to others, and try to be honest in all my doings.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm treating myself with that same integrity.  I'll set goals for myself, promise myself I will do something, then I fail more often than not.  Somehow I'm okay letting myself down and not following through, but I'd never intentionally let anyone else down.  This does trickle down into my family, however, which is really disturbing and worthy of a change!  My house doesn't get clean, my dishes and laundry don't get done, the great ideas for teaching the kids get pushed aside because of various reasons... like I'm tired, or there's something else I'd rather be doing.  But if I promised to make dinner for someone else, I'd never call and say, "sorry, I got too tired..."

I'd like to develop the habit of doing what I say I'm going to do in regards to myself, my own goals, etc.    Maybe it's being more organized and seeing it through.  Maybe it's making more realistic goals so I can achieve them.

I'm going to pray about how I can start this week.  I've been feeling impressed to do this for some time now, but this Value Experience has kicked it into gear!  I love personal progress!

I'm going to start with a chore chart... for myself!!  Yikes!!  My husband will be proud...

Lovely...

Knowledge 3


MONTHS ago I got to go to my lovely beehive, Shea's, middle school performance of Beauty and the Beast.  I meant to pass off "knowledge 3" at that time but it slipped away from me.  This morning I memorized (again) the 13th article of faith and thought the time was perfect that I write my thoughts now.  I've seen the real difference between things that are virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy... and things that are not.

As for Shea in Beauty and the Beast... TALK ABOUT praiseworthy and lovely!  How wonderful to see VERY young people working so hard, extending their talents, growing friendships and sharing with others despite nerves, etc.  It was an uplifting experience for all of those who were involved.  Shea was outstanding!  I also know that from a friendship she had in that production she was able to do missionary work and bring a friend to girls camp.  Talk about cool!

I was also able to see the show Tarzan at the Arizona Broadway Theater.  This was people maybe 10-15 years later who have since polished their talents and are sharing them on a grander scale.  It was an uplifting show, however , I could sense that as the years go on, people got lost.  Some of the choreography was edgy- men dancing like women, which seemed only to offend my family and I, and no one else in the audience.  It's sad to sit in a family show and be "forced" to pretend it was OK.  The virtuous and lovely potential of that show was diminished for maybe 4 minutes of dancing. I am truly beginning to see how the 13th article of faith is a perfect measuring tape, particularly for entertainment.

Now we are in Las Vegas for the summer.  We got here 2 days ago and decided to do the Las Vegas Blvd Strip to see the water show, pirate show, all the lights, etc.  I was SEARCHING AND SEARCHING for things of virtue.  They are VERY scarce.  We had family home evening and went out for our activity, and it was truly a terrible way to end our family home evening.  Pornography, alcohol, rude behavior, money, etc. saturate this town.  I really wanted to have fun and ignore it, but as latter-day saints, we cannot.  We KNOW better.  We believe in being HONEST, TRUE, CHASTE, BENEVOLENT, VIRTUOUS, and in DOING GOOD TO ALL MEN.  We won't be going back there.

We've been trying to teach Olive about things that are "lovely".  I love that word and so does she.  Princesses are lovely after all.  We try to teach about being lovely in DRESS and BEHAVIOR and SPEACH.  It's helped keep me in check as well!

I'm so grateful to know of these things.  I'm grateful to have seen the bad, so that I can remember how much more LOVELY and, quite frankly, more FUN wholesome things are.  It uplifts my spirit!  I know these things are true and I say them in the name of my Savior, who is the loveliest, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Temples are for TWO...

Raleigh got married April 21st.  We went out to St. George to celebrate and be there for the sealing.  Jordan was highly stressed over school matters and mentioned several times that he might want to duck out of the reception... luncheon... everything... except the temple sealing.  That is the most important part after all.

We show up at the temple.  His temple recommend is expired.  St. George Temple has an army for workers and they would not let him in. They said "even if you call your Stake President it will not make a difference. "  And the truth is... we don't even know our stake president.  He just got called.  We just moved here.

I kissed him goodbye with a sigh and headed in.  Without him.  I thought it was unfortunate.  I was bummed.  But I really didn't think it was that big of a deal.  BUT, then I started praying.  I got into the chapel and it effected me that he was not there with me.  I didn't expect that so much.  I continued to pray.  It was time to go into the sealing.  As I walked through the temple my heart was broken.  I was blindsided by my feelings of sadness at not having him there with me.  I thought, 'oh why am I still praying? it's too late now.'  I looked around the room with everyone anyone cares about, pitying and curious eyes rested on me and I felt embarrassed, sad, and so emotion.  I really didn't expect that.  The sealer began to speak, the words touched my heart, reminding me how grateful I am to be sealed to my one and only.... and the DOOR OPENS.  There he is!  Dressed in white and coming in the middle of the sealing!  I was immediately struck with gratitude.  I was filled with butterflies like when we were very first dating.  Then I was filled with guilt that I gave up on my prayers, as if they COULDN'T be answered "there's nothing He can do." I said to myself

I'll never forget the whispering to my soul of these few words.  "you are good and righteous people"

Overwhelmed.  He thinks we are good.  He thinks we are righteous.  He listened to our prayers.  WE were praying for the same thing at the same time even when we were apart.  He gave us a tender mercy that day, JUST BECAUSE.

This was one of the most sacred days of my life.  The feelings were strong.  They were unexpected.  They were merciful.  They were true.  When I got to my dressing room I knelt down with tears in my eyes THANKING Heavenly Father for that small, to so many, but GREAT blessing that day.  In my tiny dressing room.  Temples are for two... Me and that wonderful guy I married.

I got to hear his crazy story after.  One that was not shy of spiritual depth as well:  The spirit of discernment from the Stake President and the temple recorder.  The blessing that the Stake Pres. answered on the first ring after not ONE of the bishopric could be reached.  He said he felt the spirit so strongly.  And so did I.

I hope I never forget that day.

Give Diligence...

As I read in 2 Peter today, he says at the end of the first chapter that the things he is teaching is not a fable or a story, but he was an EYEWITNESS!  He, Peter, heard with his own ears the voice of God say "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" as the Savior lay on the cross.  Can you imagine?  Sometimes I forget that the scriptures are written by real people... and real people who KNEW and WITNESSED the Savior on earth!  I'm reading a book right now written by a real person, talking about real things.  I've been finding it SOOO interesting, and truthfully, I take this author at his word because he's seen it all.  Why am I not so impressed EVERY SINGLE TIME I read the scriptures!  These authors are of God and have seen and witnessed miracles.  I think we can take them at their word:)

I read about divine nature.  It's a phrase we throw out there a lot, especially in YW, but as we've been memorizing The Family: A Proclamation to the World I realized what it actually means.  It's the qualities Heavenly Father has given us, the purpose he has given us, and the things we should strive to live up to and to obtain.

I made a list in my study today of MY divine nature:

Gender (it's part of my divine nature to be female and all that comes with it!)

To multiply and replenish the earth (hopefully not singlehandedly) 

be a wife- a loving and caring one

be a mother- to nurture, teach the gospel

to be in a family unit

to have...

godliness

faith

virtue

knowledge

temperance

patience

brotherly kindness

charity

What a list, huh?  Imagine if we could live up to all of these things?  That picture is what God hopes and expects, and has given us the tools, to become!!

Peter says in 2 Peter 1:10 to "give diligence and make your calling an election sure...if you do these things ye shall never fall.."

You shall NEVER FALL!?  What a promise.  But we must be diligence in harvesting our own divine nature!!!

(Divine Nature #1)

give a little, get alot...

This morning I read some scriptures about tithing.  I've always paid my tithing and luckily never had a hard time with it.  No ill feelings about giving 10% away, even if times were tough.  I feel blessed to have had that taught to me early on so that I could immediately start receiving blessings!  We've had some miraculous blessing concerning money and other things that we've thought maybe attributed to paying tithing.  I wanted to record a few here so we can always remember:

When we first got married and moved to NYC we were moving all by ourselves.  Every single place we went we found a parking spot right in front of our building where we could load and/or unload.  That NEVER happens, especially not in the space of 1 or 2 days.  And we had to move out of 2-3 place into our new apartment!

When we did move into our new apartment, we found a $50 on the ground!  So blessed!

We've never been the "starving newly weds".  Ever.  Sure I complain about not being able to shop like I used to (when I was single) but we've been blessed to always have employment, and not just employment, but GREAT employment.  We were able to kick our marriage off fully supporting ourselves! (except for that pesky cell phone bill huh dad?  You can just hold on to that one ey?).

I remember working (putting Jord through school, before he worked) and doing the finances. I was always able to happily write my check for tithing.  Then a clear thought from the spirit hit me.
"you must pay your taxes with the same promptness and importance as your tithing!"  It hit me in the middle of the work day just sitting at my desk. I took it to heart and ever since then (we've always been self employed) we immediately pay our tithing and put our tax money into savings with the same promptness!  Oh how I'm grateful I recieved that inspiration early on as well.  Those taxes can really add up and I don't know what we would have done when it came time to pay and we were short.  I have a testimony of obeying the laws of the land (even though they are dumb!) and being blessed.  Our minds and souls have been at ease knowing all of our bases were covered.

Jordan was blessed to find APX (now Vivint.) to work for.  He was able to work only through the summer and support us all year.  Which made it possible for him to not work during school, and for me to quit my job and have some kids!

We've been so blessed in many ways.  I know that by paying our tithing we have been blessed more than we know.  It's kind of like insurance... it's just a layer of promised blessings as we constantly obey that awesome law!

I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ
~amen

PP Faith #7

Faith in the Atonement

I've just read several passages of scripture pertaining to the atonement of Jesus Christ.  The atonement is such a BIG thing in the gospel, and yet it's so tricky.  I remember growing up in Young Women's and having a very strong testimony of being obedient to things like... word of wisdom, swearing, dating, chastity, etc.  Things that you could DO or not DO... it was easy to see the result and feel accomplished.  I also remember knowing that within myself I didn't understand this who Christ's atonement thing... and yet we hear it is THE most important thing, the 'corner stone' of our church.  I knew that one day I'd really have to figure this out.  But for the moment I'd just hold fast to the more black and white commandments of the gospel.

I remember really GETTING the atonement for the first time while in the singles ward where my Bishop, my now dear friend David Buckner, giving a combined Priesthood and RS lesson about the atonement.  He used the altar as an example and said we could lay ANYTHING upon it- sin, transgression, sickness, pain, weakness, infirmities, helplessness, sadness, depression, anger, ANYTHING. As long as we placed it on the altar, meaning we realize we can't do it ourselves, the Savior will take it from us!  He will just TAKE it from the altar and it will be gone.  This kind of blew my brain!  And I was so excited I was finally beginning to understand the enormity of the atonement and what it covered.

Now, as I prepare for teaching the Young Women the Christmas lesson, I've been pondering WHY Christ even came to earth and why we celebrate him even at his coming, as a baby, to this earth.  Once again, we are brought to the atonement.  It was his mission.

There was no way for us, living on this earth, to get rid of sadness, sin, guilt, sorrow, pain, physical ailment, being a victim, doing something awful, depression, anger, etc.  How are we do deal with these things. But not only these things while we are living on the earth, but DEATH itself.  That would be the end of us.

I found it really awesome in my study of 2 Nephi it says that the spirit knows all things.  BUT the SAVIOR had to come and experience it in the flesh himself so that he would KNOW how to succor us!  I hate that the Savior, a person just like you and I, someone's Son, had to volunteer and had to follow through on this task.  But think of the alternative.  Even if it was just the spirit that was meant to succor us... would we be able to put our full confidence in a being that doesn't have a body, hasn't experienced flesh and earth life.  It's like when you go through a hard trial and someone says, "Oh I'm so sorry,  I know what your going through"  and you think... 'well, that's really nice, and I'm sure they kind of understand what I'm going through, but do they KNOW? have they been through the EXACT same thing? no they haven't. and I'm still all alone.'  Right?  I mean, hopefully we would have more faith if that was the way.  But guess what?  It wasn't the way.  Christ volunteered to literally come to the flesh and literally go through EVERY SINGLE THING we will and everyone else will in their lifetime.  How this was done, we may never know fully, but it was done.  And imagine... what if you did have a best friend who went through the EXACT same thing you did.  You're burdens would seem lighter knowing you were not alone.  But it goes a step further with Christ.  A friend may make you feel better but Christ can TAKE IT AWAY.  He WANTS to because he really KNOWS.

As I was praying this morning, I asked to know of myself for a surety that these things happened.  That Christ was born, he lived his ministry and great example as we know it, and that in REALITY he DID experience all of those things.  It's hard to imagine.  Again, I have faith in it because I live a rather obedient life and I've SEEN and FELT the blessings of living the Gospel of who?  Jesus Christ.  I know that he is real, as is His gospel and the blessings that come from living it.  But I guess I want a real tangible feeling of those most important events, that they happened, and that the purpose is true.

While I didn't receive and angel in my room to assure me, nor a huge overwhelming feeling (as I sometimes LOVE to get) I got a simple thought of something to pray for.  I had the thought to pray for help recognizing the sin in my life on an everyday basis, that I might be humbled, and be called to repentance.  If I feel the need to truly repent, then I'll need my Savior's atonement.  I'll admit, I hear the apostles say they repent for a million things a day and that baffles me... because I KNOW they are better than me, and yet I can't think of a single thing to repent for most days.  I'm obviously too prideful... and I need to repent:)

I'm so grateful for this thought and I know that if I follow it, I'll be given that undoubtable knowledge that I seek that will bring me closer to my Savior.  I'm grateful for Him.  I know that he lives.  I know he came to earth.  I know I feel his presence in my life, and I know His gospel brings countless blessings!  I love him.  I'm so happy we get to celebrate him this Christmas season!

I leave this testimony to all those who read it, to my family, and to my own eyes and ears, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen



PP Faith #5

Halloween Hello...

Today we went to a Halloween Playgroup and I was blessed to talk to a few mom's about parenting, especially a general conference talk from last conference about disciplining your kids.  I know my Savior doesn't want me to be  "reactive" parent... but plan for my responses and discipline of my children.  He was the perfect example of teaching!

remembering...

Well, I wasn't great keeping up with recording how I am striving to remember my Savior each day for two weeks!! I went of vacation and it all went out the door.  Here is to second chances:

Friday Oct 28th:  attended Trunk or Treat and contributed soup!  I really IS important to be involved in church activities!

Saturday Oct 29th:  Prepared YW lesson on 'loving yourself and others.'  I spent several hours on the preparation because it really hit home with me.  I felt so close to the Savior as I learned, again, that to love yourself means to know WHO YOU ARE.  And that is a Child of God!

Sunday Oct 30th:  Conducted family home evening on "the Holy Ghost" just in time for Halloween.  I realized it was the first time I've talked to Olive about the Holy Ghost.  How do you teach a three year old about the holy ghost?  We felt the spirit. She really listened.  It's such a miracle to watch little ones take in new concepts!  I'm so grateful for the Holy Ghost to testify of truth, to guide me to do the right things, and to watch over and protect my family.  He testifies to me that Jesus IS the Christ!

Well... that makes a weeks worth.  Lets see if I can be more consistent this week!  I want to think of his EXAMPLE in the way I conduct myself in my home this week, and then focus on his atonement when I don't conduct myself very well.  This week is keep my temper week!

Taking His Name Upon Me...

Doing some personal progress again here!  The Diving Nature Experience 4 wants us to memorize the sacrament prayer and then do something each day to be "willing to take upon them the name of thy son, and always remember Him.."  I'm so grateful for this challenge.  It reminds me of the reason I started this blog with Elder Eyring's example of recognizing the hand of the Savior in our lives each day.

Here's a few things that have helped me remember my Savior this week, helped me grow, and hopefully take His name upon me:

Sunday:  I was asked to sing in church.  It's been a while and a first in this ward.  I feel like people know I'm from New York, I'm an actor, and in my head, I'm SURE they're expecting me to be spectacular. I started fretting because, well, it's tough to be spectacular.  But I quickly realized my head was in the WRONG place.  There were no expectations but to bare my testimony through song, which was my favorite way to do it.  I felt the spirit as I sang.  Heavenly Father heard my prayers to forget myself and helped me feel the spirit of the song.  It was "Abide With Me" and I felt that he DID abide with me as I sang.  I'm so grateful I was able to feel the spirit and take his name upon me, instead just do a performance.  (there was also a great talk about pride... obviously I needed that too!)


Monday:  I had a wonderful spiritual experience/humbling experience as I was running on monday.  I decided  to share it on blog HERE.

Tuesday:  Olive had her first "dance recital"!  I felt like a real MOM!  I know these are the joys spoken of in The Family: The Proclamation to the Word.  I was so grateful to be a mom when I watched her whirl and twirl!

Wednesday:  I've made a new resolution to, once again, be better and meaningful scripture study!  PP helps!! as usual.  I'm excited to report daily on how I'm striving to remember my Savior every day!  I also memorized the sacrament prayer for the bread!  Can't believe I've never done that before.  It's amazing.

Faith...

I've recently thought of my childhood as I look back on how my mom raised us.  I remember her taking us to dance class with her, and we could sit in the corner or roam around the facility (which was a HUGE 2 level performing arts center... hardly appropriate for a 6 year old to wander!).  Wasn't she worried?  What if I got into trouble.  What if I got trapped somewhere?  What if I decided to go outside (which I did) and someone came and picked me up?  I've asked her WHAT she was thinking!?  She said she brought us everywhere.  She was never AFRAID of what people might think, what fits we might throw, etc.  Whatever happened, she said, she had an innate sense of herself to be able to handle it.  There was no fear, therefore she was never held back, and neither were we for that matter.


Well, this is my very first value project of my Personal Progress as an adult leader.  I'm a beehive advisor and was so excited when I learned that I could do my Personal Progress again.  It came a such an amazing time because I had fallen behind in my habit of scripture study and felt like I was in a rut.  What a perfect way to study!!  I also love the PP book always wants you to record your thoughts in your journal.

After almost 3 weeks of prayer in the morning and night, I've found that I'm not great at morning prayer.  I'm usually woken up by kids, or wake up before kids to exercise and I have a hard time remembering to pray right when I get up.... at 5:30am!  Luckily for my prayer rock, and Olive's obsession with it, she eventually reminds me to say my morning prayers. She loves helping put the stickers on my prayer chart:)   I've missed a few days but I'm grateful to have started the habit.  I really feel additional blessings and a sense of focus on what's important as I start the day.  I have more peace, more patience, and more motivation.  It really is the right way to start my day, and I'm sad I have to train myself to do it. I hope that one day this will become second nature like my evening prayers!

Along with reading the required scriptures and listening to talks on faith, I had been prompted lately to read my patriarchal blessing.  It had been a REALLY long time.  Then someone mentions 'patriarchal blessings' and I think OH YA I need to read mine. Then I forget.  BUT I did finally read it and wanted to record a small thought and bright ray of hope that I had as I read it, as pertaining to the faith that I had been focusing on these past few weeks.

There are about 3 times in my patriarchal blessing that mentions something about being "sorely tried" and having difficult trials in my life.  Whenever I read these things I get a pit in my stomach.  My mind immediately goes to the worst of things:  husband dies, becoming paralyzed or handicapped, losing a child, etc.   I am filled with fear.  Then when I read the subsequent words of ...well hope really.. that if I endure well, or keep the commandments, I will be able to get through those trials, I feel somewhat overwhelmed. How, when  my husband DIES, will I be able to continue on reading my scriptures, going to church?  The blessing says that even others will be uplifted by how I deal with MY trials.  Of course I imagine I am supposed to become a public speaker or something dramatic and talk about the devastation in my life.  But I don't want to do that.  I don't want to be sorely tried.  And cue more fear!

As I listened to a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson from this last General Conference (April 2011) entitled "Facing the Future with Faith"  I realized quite simply what I already know.  Faith is the opposite of fear. Every person absolutely will be tried on this earth.  No one is exempt, not even Christ himself.  But as we increase our faith in the Savior and in the gospel principles, we have no need to face the future with FEAR but only with faith.  I realized how I need to work on my faith.  I need to make sure that my faith is strong.  I have been through trials in my life, and BECAUSE of my faith in the gospel they have felt fairly small, and in the grand scheme of things they are small.  But now I see that they may have also felt minimized because of my faith, and my eternal perspective.  I have no reason to believe that whatever trials I face in the future I cannot get through and should be afraid.

 I felt a sense of peace.  How lovely it is to go through life without fear knowing that whatever life throws at you, you can handle.    What a great lesson to teach your children.  Thanks Mom:)

I hope and pray I'll be able to face my future trials with faith, whatever they may be.  And my prayer WILL be twice a day:)

two year olds...

Today was a hard day. It started with a night of not much sleep. But I've been really struggling parenting my two year old. We seem to fight all day long. We are at a loss as to how to discipline, and yet part of me thinks we are trying to discipline too much. I've been completely impatient and I go to sleep guilty every night. I feel like I need to spend time with her, and yet I feel like I need the house to be clean, the finances to be done, calendar set, and THEN I can sit down in a 'prepared' home and play with her. I know that isn't right, but I admit I just put of "playing" to do other things.

It's been especially bothering me because I can feel the spirit leave our home. And it isn't because of her. It's because of the way I deal with her. I want to feel the spirit in my home. I think she will learn from that spirit in a way that I could never teach her.

I guess I feel the Savior's hand in my life, though I am in the middle of hardship, because I KNOW I can pray. I know the only answers that will be productive will be from my Father in Heaven. I know that my Savior is the only way I can become better, that He will make up my weaknesses, and make them strengths. I feel close to the spirit because I am SEEKING it so readily in my desperation. I feel like a crappy mother. I feel a little out of control. I feel a little silly that I am letting my TWO year old have that much control over me. I feel tired....

But I feel the spirit. I feel the nearness that I know that I need now. I pray that I might be open enough, and humble enough, and patient enough to HEAR and be inspired.

January 3, 2011

Previous to this date:
I had interviewed at Loma Linda University, Midwestern University and Boston University and had been accepted to only BU. In addition, BU was requesting a deposit of $3,000 to hold my seat. Erin and I had been praying ever so earnestly to for either LLU or MWU to let us know ASAP so we could make a decision and not have to loose any money.
Here is what happened:
At 8am I received a phone call from Dr. Polk at MWU. He invited me to join the entering dental class of 2011 of Midwestern University. We had already sent the check to BU just 3 days earlier. We had the thought that if BU wasn't the place for us to go that we could still cancel the check. So we decided to pray about it! I said the first prayer asking our father in heaven which dental school we should attend... realizing heavenly father would never give an answer to a prayer that easily (thereby robing us of our opportunity of trail and faith) I ended the prayer and said to Erin "That's never going to work." "Let me try again and tell heavenly father that we feel that we should let Boston go and go to AZ and see how we feel about that"
After the prayer, I felt uneasy or unsure... but Ers said the thought came to her mind
"This is the opportunity to save the money you have been praying about."
I was very intrigued because this was not the response I had received at all. We then decided that she would pray in the same manner and I would try to listen to the spirit. She did and I felt a peace come over me that solidified what she had felt and thought.
Thus we cancelled the check to Boston and have no doubt we're on the path the Lord would have us be on. What an amazing blessing prayer is. The capacity to communicate with our heavenly father truly is a blessing and one that blesses our lives with faith and love!!
- Jordan

The small things...

July 29, 2010

There's been a lot of trials for my family lately. I've had a reoccurring thought all summer and this months visiting teaching hit on it too. It was called "Strengthening at every Oppurtunity".

It talks about strengthening your family by doing all the small things!! Family prayer, family home evening, scripture study, church attendance, etc. Could it really be that easy!! The inspirations I've been feeling confirm it. It's a layer of protection for us and our families! I don't want to forget the small stuff no matter how tired or busy we are.

The spirit was thick...

July 4th, 2010

This year the 4th of July happened to be on a Sunday (yesterday in fact). We were fortunate in many ways... 1) Jordan's parents came out to spend the 4th with us 2) we happen to live in Kansas City where many of the church history sites are and 3) we got to visit the Independence visitors center!

I'm always so incredibly impressed by the church visitors centers. They are so wonderfully organized and functional and informational in a simple way and most of all, they are FILLED with the spirit. This was Jordan's first time attending this particular visitors center and it was the best! They have a little exhibit about the family, a lot based on The Family Proclamation and the plan of Salvation. Within the first minute my eyes were filled with tears. I chalked it up to the pregnancy hormones. But then I looked at Olive and she was sitting quietly (RARE!) and taking it all in. Then we reached a certain point and Jordan looked at me and said, "the spirit is SO THICK!" I knew we'd get to the end and the sister missionaries would say, "so what did you think...." What do you say? We were speechless. The spirit testified of the truthfulness of the message of the family. It brought such joy to our hearts.

When we got home that night, Jordan wanted to make sure we talked about it! He said it was like he just couldn't hold it back. The spirit was almost suffocating. And I knew just what he meant! I knew that I was a crying mess but I didn't realize he felt it as strongly as I did. I think we were all just completely bombarded by the spirit. It was amazing.

It wasn't anything new. It wasn't something we haven't heard a million times. It wasn't that the acting was AMAZING nor was the music and presentation (though it was VERY well done). It was the TRUTH. And right now in our lives, we are feeling so blessed to be living it! I'm so grateful for my little family. I can't wait for our new addition and I feel like she is adding to the spirit already.

good day. Our testimonies were grown!

a birthday to me...

Tuesday May 11, 2010

Today was Olive's 2nd Birthday and I was just so in love with her today! I've spent every single day with her since the day I had her 2 years ago. What a life transforming opportunity to be a parent. As Olive went to sleep tonight we overheard her singing to herself...

"...a birthday to me
...a birthday to you, no me...
... a birthday to me"

Jordan and I just melted!! She's turned into such a funny little person. She has the sweetest little spirit there ever was. She's such a little goof. She is SO creative with such a huge imagination already. She is a little chatter box, so much more than her peers. She has been such a blessing in our lives. Our lives these past two years have been so full and so enriching for us as parents. I've learned service and love like I've never known.

I love our little Olive Grace for all she is, and also for who she makes me!

Happy Birthday Ninny:)

Missionary "erk"...

Tuesday April 20, 2010

This Sunday is a "Come and See" Sunday, which means to invite your friends to an investigator friendly meeting. I've had some names in mind, which I almost hate... you know if you thought about who you could invite and NO ONE came in mind, then you'd be off the hook! Right?

Well I finally got up the courage to deliver two invites to my neighbors tonight. Olive came with me and it was kind of neat. A week ago for Family Home Evening we talked about being a "good friend" and learned about one way to do that is to bring your friends to church. So I reminded her about how we are good friends by inviting our friends to church and asked if she wanted to come with me to invite our friends. She said yes (probably because I said we were going somewhere) and we said a little prayer for the spirit to be with us and went off. That was probably the coolest part really. Olive held the invitations and it was pretty uneventful, yet great. They were both gracious and gave a sure-fast "we'll have to see"... But I hope they come. And if not this time, maybe something in the future.

I grew today. I don't have many missionary opportunities anymore because I have so many member friends. But our neighbors are really great... and after all.. they did come into my mind!

I'm grateful Heavenly Father cares about all of His children enough to ask us to stretch ourselves, not even that much, and make an invitation so that He might open the doors to the happiness we feel and enjoy everyday!

You are wonderfully normal...

Saturday April 17th, 2010

Before my Grandpa Jack passed away I would send him links to my blog to that he and my grandma could stay in touch with us and see our little Olive because we weren't able to see them much. He was a wise man, but of little words, especially in emails. After getting an email link to our blog he would respond with something like:

Thank you for sharing. You are a wonderfully normal family.

to some that may seem an odd thing to say (well it is odd) but coming from my grandpa it is a compliment. It is a blessing to be able to be "normal" and functioning in social ways. To be able to go to ward activities or travel AND have fun at the same time... something that I think was a struggle for some of my extended family.

Tonight we went to our ward's SPRING FLING. It was an open mic night and dance! (I know! A dance for a married ward with children!?... so fun!) At the open mic night every time someone was done, Olive said, "My turn!!" I kept asking, "you want to go sing a song too??"... trying to clarify what she really meant. And she would say yes. So Olive and I got us to the microphone and sang (ok.. she got shy and I sang it) 'On Top of Spaghetti.' It was her first debut at a microphone in front of a large crowd. She didn't sing a word. But she thought she did!

Then the dance started and she was a MANIAC. In the middle of EVERYONE twirling and dancing, kicking her feet... she loved it. She danced all night long. She reminds me of me a lot sometimes. I was a proud parent as I saw a fun trait get passed to my little one. She is going to LOVE church dances! Any dance for that matter.

I'm grateful tonight to have a normal and functioning family! I'm grateful that we can be dorks, go to a church dance with our babe and pregnant belly, and dance the night away, and never wish we were somewhere else!

I guess we are wonderfully normal.